CHAPTER IX
More adventures in Elysium.
A crowd of spirits now joined us, whom I soon perceived to be the
heroes, who here frequently pay their respects to the several bards the
recorders of their actions. I now saw Achilles and Ulysses addressing
themselves to Homer, and Aeneas and Julius Caesar to Virgil: Adam
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went up to Milton, upon which I whispered Mr. Dryden that I thought the
devil should have paid his compliments there, according to his opinion.
Dryden only answered, "I believe the devil was in me when I said so."
Several applied themselves to Shakespeare, amongst whom Henry V made
a very distinguishing appearance. While my eyes were fixed on that
monarch a very small spirit came up to me, shook me heartily by the hand,
and told me his name was THOMAS THUMB. I expressed great
satisfaction in seeing him, nor could I help speaking my resentment
against the historian, who had done such injustice to the stature of this
great little man, which he represented to be no bigger than a span, whereas
I plainly perceived at first sight he was full a foot and a half (and the 37th
part of an inch more, as he himself informed me), being indeed little
shorter than some considerable beaux of the present age. I asked this
little hero concerning the truth of those stories related of him, viz., of the
pudding, and the cow's belly. As to the former, he said it was a ridiculous
legend, worthy to be laughed at; but as to the latter, he could not help
owning there was some truth in it: nor had he any reason to be
ashamed of it, as he was swallowed by surprise; adding, with great
fierceness, that if he had had any weapon in his hand the cow should have
as soon swallowed the devil.
He spoke the last word with so much fury, and seemed so confounded,
that, perceiving the effect it had on him, I immediately waived the story,
and, passing to other matters, we had much conversation touching giants.
He said, so far from killing any, he had never seen one alive; that he
believed those actions were by mistake recorded of him, instead of Jack
the giant-killer, whom he knew very well, and who had, he fancied,
extirpated the race. I assured him to the contrary, and told him I had
myself seen a huge tame giant, who very complacently stayed in London a
whole winter, at the special request of several gentlemen and ladies;
though the affairs of his family called him home to Sweden.
I now beheld a stern-looking spirit leaning on the shoulder of another
spirit, and presently discerned the former to be Oliver Cromwell, and the
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latter Charles Martel. I own I was a little surprised at seeing Cromwell
here, for I had been taught by my grandmother that he was carried away
by the devil himself in a tempest; but he assured me, on his honor, there
was not the least truth in that story. However, he confessed he had
narrowly escaped the bottomless pit; and, if the former part of his conduct
had not been more to his honor than the latter, he had been certainly
soused into it. He was, nevertheless, sent back to the upper world with
this lot:--ARMY, CAVALIER, DISTRESS.
He was born, for the second time, the day of Charles II's restoration,
into a family which had lost a very considerable fortune in the service of
that prince and his father, for which they received the reward very often
conferred by princes on real merit, viz.--000. At 16 his father bought a
small commission for him in the army, in which he served without any
promotion all the reigns of Charles II and of his brother. At the
Revolution he quitted his regiment, and followed the fortunes of his
former master, and was in his service dangerously wounded at the famous
battle of the Boyne, where he fought in the capacity of a private soldier.
He recovered of this wound, and retired after the unfortunate king to Paris,
where he was reduced to support a wife and seven children (for his lot had
horns in it) by cleaning shoes and snuffing candles at the opera. In which
situation, after he had spent a few miserable years, he died half-starved
and broken-hearted. He then revisited Minos, who, compassionating his
sufferings by means of that family, to whom he had been in his former
capacity so bitter an enemy, suffered him to enter here.
My curiosity would not refrain asking him one question, i. e., whether
in reality he had any desire to obtain the crown? He smiled, and said,
"No more than an ecclesiastic hath to the miter, when he cries Nolo
episcopari." Indeed, he seemed to express some contempt at the question,
and presently turned away.
A venerable spirit appeared next, whom I found to be the great
historian Livy. Alexander the Great, who was just arrived from the
palace of death, passed by him with a frown. The historian, observing it,
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said, "Ay, you may frown; but those troops which conquered the base
Asiatic slaves would have made no figure against the Romans." We then
privately lamented the loss of the most valuable part of his history; after
which he took occasion to commend the judicious collection made by Mr.
Hook, which, he said, was infinitely preferable to all others; and at my
mentioning Echard's he gave a bounce, not unlike the going off of a squib,
and was departing from me, when I begged him to satisfy my curiosity in
one point--whether he was really superstitious or no? For I had always
believed he was till Mr. Leibnitz had assured me to the contrary. He
answered sullenly, "Doth Mr. Leibnitz know my mind better than myself?"
and then walked away.