CHAPTER II
In which the author first refutes some idle opinions concerning
spirits, and then the passengers relate their several deaths.
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It is the common opinion that spirits, like owls, can see in the dark;
nay, and can then most easily be perceived by others. For which reason,
many persons of good understanding, to prevent being terrified with such
objects, usually keep a candle burning by them, that the light may prevent
their seeing. Mr. Locke, in direct opposition to this, hath not doubted to
assert that you may see a spirit in open daylight full as well as in the
darkest night.
It was very dark when we set out from the inn, nor could we see any
more than if every soul of us had been alive. We had traveled a good
way before any one offered to open his mouth; indeed, most of the
company were fast asleep,[4] but, as I could not close my own eyes, and
perceived the spirit who sat opposite to me to be likewise awake, I began
to make overtures of conversation, by complaining HOW DARK IT WAS.
"And extremely cold too," answered my fellow traveler; "though, I thank
God, as I have no body, I feel no inconvenience from it: but you will
believe, sir, that this frosty air must seem very sharp to one just issued
forth out of an oven; for such was the inflamed habitation I am lately
departed from." "How did you come to your end, sir?" said I. "I was
murdered, sir," answered the gentleman. "I am surprised then," replied I,
"that you did not divert yourself by walking up and down and playing
some merry tricks with the murderer." "Oh, sir," returned he, "I had not
that privilege, I was lawfully put to death. In short, a physician set me on
fire, by giving me medicines to throw out my distemper. I died of a hot
regimen, as they call it, in the small-pox."
[4] Those who have read of the gods sleeping in Homer will not be
surprised at this happening to spirits.
One of the spirits at that word started up and cried out, "The small-pox!
bless me! I hope I am not in company with that distemper, which I have
all my life with such caution avoided, and have so happily escaped
hitherto!" This fright set all the passengers who were awake into a loud
laughter; and the gentleman, recollecting himself, with some confusion,
and not without blushing, asked pardon, crying, "I protest I dreamed that I
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was alive." "Perhaps, sir," said I, "you died of that distemper, which
therefore made so strong an impression on you." "No, sir," answered he,
"I never had it in my life; but the continual and dreadful apprehension it
kept me so long under cannot, I see, be so immediately eradicated. You
must know, sir, I avoided coming to London for thirty years together, for
fear of the small-pox, till the most urgent business brought me thither
about five days ago. I was so dreadfully afraid of this disease that I
refused the second night of my arrival to sup with a friend whose wife had
recovered of it several months before, and the same evening got a surfeit
by eating too many muscles, which brought me into this good company."
"I will lay a wager," cried the spirit who sat next him, "there is not one
in the coach able to guess my distemper." I desired the favor of him to
acquaint us with it, if it was so uncommon. "Why, sir," said he, "I died of
honor."-- "Of honor, sir!" repeated I, with some surprise. "Yes, sir,"
answered the spirit, "of honor, for I was killed in a duel."
"For my part," said a fair spirit, "I was inoculated last summer, and had
the good fortune to escape with a very few marks on my face. I esteemed
myself now perfectly happy, as I imagined I had no restraint to a full
enjoyment of the diversions of the town; but within a few days after my
coming up I caught cold by overdancing myself at a ball, and last night
died of a violent fever."
After a short silence which now ensued, the fair spirit who spoke last,
it being now daylight, addressed herself to a female who sat next her, and
asked her to what chance they owed the happiness of her company. She
answered, she apprehended to a consumption, but the physicians were not
agreed concerning her distemper, for she left two of them in a very hot
dispute about it when she came out of her body. "And pray, madam,"
said the same spirit to the sixth passenger, "How came you to leave the
other world?" But that female spirit, screwing up her mouth, answered,
she wondered at the curiosity of some people; that perhaps persons had
already heard some reports of her death, which were far from being true;
that, whatever was the occasion of it, she was glad at being delivered from
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a world in which she had no pleasure, and where there was nothing but
nonsense and impertinence; particularly among her own sex, whose loose
conduct she had long been entirely ashamed of.
The beauteous spirit, perceiving her question gave offense, pursued it
no farther. She had indeed all the sweetness and good-humor which are
so extremely amiable (when found) in that sex which tenderness most
exquisitely becomes. Her countenance displayed all the cheerfulness, the
good-nature, and the modesty, which diffuse such brightness round the
beauty of Seraphina,[5] awing every beholder with respect, and, at the
same time, ravishing him with admiration. Had it not been indeed for
our conversation on the small-pox, I should have imagined we had been
honored with her identical presence. This opinion might have been
heightened by the good sense she uttered whenever she spoke, by the
delicacy of her sentiments, and the complacence of her behavior, together
with a certain dignity which attended every look, word, and gesture;
qualities which could not fail making an impression on a heart[6] so
capable of receiving it as mine, nor was she long in raising in me a very
violent degree of seraphic love. I do not intend by this, that sort of love
which men are very properly said to make to women in the lower world,
and which seldom lasts any longer than while it is making. I mean by
seraphic love an extreme delicacy and tenderness of friendship, of which,
my worthy reader, if thou hast no conception, as it is probable thou mayest
not, my endeavor to instruct thee would be as fruitless as it would be to
explain the most difficult problems of Sir Isaac Newton to one ignorant of
vulgar arithmetic.
[5] A particular lady of quality is meant here; but every lady of
quality, or no quality, are welcome to apply the character to themselves.
[6] We have before made an apology for this language, which we
here repeat for the last time; though the heart may, we hope, be
metaphorically used here with more propriety than when we apply those
passions to the body which belong to the soul.
To return therefore to matters comprehensible by all understandings:
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the discourse now turned on the vanity, folly, and misery of the lower
world, from which every passenger in the coach expressed the highest
satisfaction in being delivered; though it was very remarkable that,
notwithstanding the joy we declared at our death, there was not one of us
who did not mention the accident which occasioned it as a thing we would
have avoided if we could. Nay, the very grave lady herself, who was the
forwardest in testifying her delight, confessed inadvertently that she left a
physician by her bedside; and the gentleman who died of honor very
liberally cursed both his folly and his fencing. While we were
entertaining ourselves with these matters, on a sudden a most offensive
smell began to invade our nostrils. This very much resembled the savor
which travelers in summer perceive at their approach to that beautiful
village of the Hague, arising from those delicious canals which, as they
consist of standing water, do at that time emit odors greatly agreeable to a
Dutch taste, but not so pleasant to any other. Those perfumes, with the
assistance of a fair wind, begin to affect persons of quick olfactory nerves
at a league's distance, and increase gradually as you approach. In the
same manner did the smell I have just mentioned, more and more invade
us, till one of the spirits, looking out of the coach-window, declared we
were just arrived at a very large city; and indeed he had scarce said so
before we found ourselves in the suburbs, and, at the same time, the
coachman, being asked by another, informed us that the name of this place
was the City of Diseases. The road to it was extremely smooth, and,
excepting the above-mentioned savor, delightfully pleasant. The streets
of the suburbs were lined with bagnios, taverns, and cooks' shops: in the
first we saw several beautiful women, but in tawdry dresses, looking out at
the windows; and in the latter were visibly exposed all kinds of the richest
dainties; but on our entering the city we found, contrary to all we had seen
in the other world, that the suburbs were infinitely pleasanter than the city
itself. It was indeed a very dull, dark, and melancholy place. Few
people appeared in the streets, and these, for the most part, were old
women, and here and there a formal grave gentleman, who seemed to be
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thinking, with large tie-wigs on, and amber-headed canes in their hands.
We were all in hopes that our vehicle would not stop here; but, to our
sorrow, the coach soon drove into an inn, and we were obliged to alight.