CHAPTER VI
An account of the wheel of fortune, with a method of preparing a spirit
for this world.
We now proceeded on our journey, without staying to see whether he
fulfilled his word or no; and without encountering anything worth
mentioning, came to the place where the spirits on their passage to the
other world were obliged to decide by lot the station in which every one
was to act there. Here was a monstrous wheel, infinitely larger than
those in which I had formerly seen lottery-tickets deposited. This was
called the WHEEL OF FORTUNE.
The goddess herself was present. She was one of the most deformed
females I ever beheld; nor could I help observing the frowns she expressed
when any beautiful spirit of her own sex passed by her, nor the affability
which smiled in her countenance on the approach of any handsome male
spirits. Hence I accounted for the truth of an observation I had often
made on earth, that nothing is more fortunate than handsome men, nor
more unfortunate than handsome women. The reader may be perhaps
pleased with an account of the whole method of equipping a spirit for his
entrance into the flesh.
First, then, he receives from a very sage person, whose look much
resembled that of an apothecary (his warehouse likewise bearing an
affinity to an apothecary's shop), a small phial inscribed, THE PATHETIC
POTION, to be taken just before you are born. This potion is a mixture
of all the passions, but in no exact proportion, so that sometimes one
predominates, and sometimes another; nay, often in the hurry of making
up, one particular ingredient is, as we were informed, left out. The spirit
receiveth at the same time another medicine called the NOUSPHORIC
DECOCTION, of which he is to drink ad libitum. This decoction is an
extract from the faculties of the mind, sometimes extremely strong and
spirituous, and sometimes altogether as weak; for very little care is taken
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in the preparation. This decoction is so extremely bitter and unpleasant,
that, notwithstanding its wholesomeness, several spirits will not be
persuaded to swallow a drop of it, but throw it away, or give it to any other
who will receive it; by which means some who were not disgusted by the
nauseousness drank double and treble portions. I observed a beautiful
young female, who, tasting it immediately from curiosity, screwed up her
face and cast it from her with great disdain, whence advancing presently to
the wheel, she drew a coronet, which she clapped up so eagerly that I
could not distinguish the degree; and indeed I observed several of the
same sex, after a very small sip, throw the bottles away. As soon as the
spirit is dismissed by the operator, or apothecary, he is at liberty to
approach the wheel, where he hath a right to extract a single lot: but
those whom Fortune favors she permits sometimes secretly to draw three
or four. I observed a comical kind of figure who drew forth a handful,
which, when he opened, were a bishop, a general, a privy-counselor, a
player, and a poet- laureate, and, returning the three first, he walked off,
smiling, with the two last. Every single lot contained two more articles,
which were generally disposed so as to render the lots as equal as possible
to each other; on one was written, EARL, RICHES, HEALTH,
DISQUIETUDE; on another, COBLER, SICKNESS, GOOD-HUMOR;
on a third, POET, CONTEMPT, SELF-SATISFACTION; on a fourth,
GENERAL, HONOR, DISCONTENT; on a fifth, COTTAGE, HAPPY
LOVE; on a sixth, COACH AND SIX, IMPOTENT JEALOUS
HUSBAND; on a seventh, PRIME MINISTER, DISGRACE; on an eighth,
PATRIOT, GLORY; on a ninth, PHILOSOPHER, POVERTY, EASE; on a
tenth, MERCHANT, RICHES, CARE. And indeed the whole seemed to
contain such a mixture of good and evil, that it would have puzzled me
which to choose. I must not omit here that in every lot was directed
whether the drawer should marry or remain in celibacy, the married lots
being all marked with a large pair of horns. We were obliged, before we
quitted this place, to take each of us an emetic from the apothecary, which
immediately purged us of all our earthly passions, and presently the cloud
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forsook our eyes, as it doth those of Aeneas in Virgil, when removed by
Venus; and we discerned things in a much clearer light than before. We
began to compassionate those spirits who were making their entry into the
flesh, whom we had till then secretly envied, and to long eagerly for those
delightful plains which now opened themselves to our eyes, and to which
we now hastened with the utmost eagerness. On our way we met with
several spirits with very dejected countenances; but our expedition would
not suffer us to ask any questions. At length we arrived at the gate of
Elysium. Here was a prodigious crowd of spirits waiting for admittance,
some of whom were admitted, and some were rejected; for all were strictly
examined by the porter, whom I soon discovered to be the celebrated
judge Minos.